George Carlin on age (Absolutely Brilliant)
Posted by smileme on February 8, 2007
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .. . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG :
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them.”
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge .
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
And if you don’t send this to at least 8 people – who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
Paul said
Carlin says on his website:
“HOW TO SPOT A FAKE
Here’s a rule of thumb, folks: Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it came from one of my albums, books, HBO shows, or appeared on my website.”
Keeping that in mine, prove that this is from Carlin.
Paul said
Paul Says:
March 12, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Carlin says on his website:
“HOW TO SPOT A FAKE
Here’s a rule of thumb, folks: Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it came from one of my albums, books, HBO shows, or appeared on my website.”
Keeping that in mine, prove that this is from Carlin.
Barry said
“Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they’re not mine. Don’t blame me. Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but if they’re flyin’ around the Internet, they’re probably not mine. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. And because most of this stuff is really lame, it’s embarrassing to see my name on it.” – http://www.GeorgeCarlin.com
Lynn Britt Barco said
Cantor ‘08: the South’s Best Hope?
Today the Republican Party sits in complete disarray, split between the pure secularism of the Neoconservatives and the latent anti-Semitism of the Religious Right. Is there a figure who can weave together these disparate tendencies for electoral triumph in ‘08? I submit there is … I submit that Rep. Eric Cantor of Richmond is that very man … and the *clear* choice for running-mate on the McCain ticket. His youth alone is enough to cause the Obama enthusiasts to shake in their Birkenstocks.
The loss of the South during the American Civil War is instructive with regard to the Middle East today. As the inspired anti-Stalinist Leon Trotsky stated long ago, a truly successful revolution myst be GLOBAL in scope … and surrender is not an option.
COWARDICE IN HIGH PLACES
Consider the cave-in by advertisers and network executives over on-air remarks by Don Imus. In the Spring of 2002, James S. Hans said as much about “poet” Maya Angelou and no one batted an eye. Why? Because it was mere months after 9/11 when Americans still shared a sharper sense of priorities, back when America knew who the *real* enemy was (Palestinians, al-Qaeda, ad nauseam). Unlike most of the flavor-of-the-month club (read Obama, Obama, Obama), the Honorable Eric Cantor hasn’t forgotten.
On the race issue in general, the positions of the highest exemplars of Hebrew-Americana (the late Irving Howe and CUNY Professor Michael E. Levin) aren’t that far apart. It is folly to disregard differences in nature within the human species. No one with an elementary background in biology would deny the Negro’s basic humanity, but those of us who, historically, have tried to help are treated increasingly to base ingratitude. Instead of “thank you,” we are taunted instead with cries of “bloodsucker.” Do we deny the Black Man’s contribution to culture? Heavens, no … but many of their most towering figures are either old or in the grave: Ornette Coleman was then, John Zorn is *now*.
THE EXAMPLE OF REAGAN
Political scientists agree that it was Ronald Reagan in 1980 who broke, once and for all, the Democratic Party’s hold on the South. And it’s no coincidence that Reagan was a great and dear friend to the Jewish people, appointing Elliott Abrams, a man who continues to serve this nation with honor. But that was nearly 30 years ago and the South longs for a native son on the national ticket with both unassailable conservative principals and a blood connection to Ancient Israel. Southerners and Judaics are, after all, a right and natural fit given our shared Old Testament values. And the symbolic value of Richmond, the city Eric Cantor proudly calls home, is not without significance:
“When the Civil War came, most Jewish families sent their sons to serve proudly in the Confederate Army. As the human costs of the war escalated, a section in Hebrew Cemetery on Shockoe Hill became the last resting place for many soldiers. They lie in the only known Jewish military cemetery outside Israel. The very unusual cast-iron cemetery fence was designed by Richmond artist William B. Myers and for years after the war the Hebrew Ladies Memorial Association decorated the graves of the fallen each May in a well-attended and moving ceremony.”
The Jews have survived thousands of years of pain and invective, far beyond that of any Native American, Armenian or West African. Who has endured the hatred inspired by the notorious forgery known as The Protocals? Who continues to suffer the slings and arrows of the hoax circulating in many Christian Bibles as Revelation 3:9? They call us “Scythian,” “Khazar” and every other infamy they can lay their imaginations upon, all without a shred of evidence. It is high time we had a standard bearer on the national ticket – someone less wishy-washy than the unreliable Joe Lieberman – a man unafraid to declare – in his bearing, if not in word – that the Ashkenazim are every bit as legitimate as the 25,000 Jews living in Iran, a nation that, officially, worships the G-d of Abraham, but – in fact – prays to the moon rock enshrined in Mecca.
In short, this is the time to let Candidate McCain know how you feel about Eric Cantor. McCain may have several paths to the White House, but Cantor represents the most reliably CONSERVATIVE one. Help keep the South solid by supporting a ticket that will work to protect and maintain our Judeo-Christian values and institutions, the very BEDROCK of our nation.
thank you,
Lynn Barco
former volunteer coordinator
The Museum of the Confederacy